It has been a little over a month since Kate was born and time blurs together still. She is so sweet with her little smiles and coos, she is feisty and demanding of my time and care, she is beautiful and angelic when she sleeps close to me, her little personality is coming out…I call her my little chili pepper among other sweet baby names…Mommy friends of mine say things will get better, and I believe them. I keep thinking, if I can just get through the first three months, things will get better. I have trouble taking care of myself in the midst of trying to take care of Kate, and I feel guilty about this. I want to be the best mother I can be to her, and I don’t want to take our time together for granted. I knew this transition into motherhood would be difficult, but I didn’t realize how much I would miss the freedom I had with my time prior to Kate being here. It is a good day when I can take a shower or clean something around the house. When Kate naps for a short spurt, I find myself running around the house thinking, “okay, what’s the most important thing I can do right now?” and usually it’s going to the bathroom, eating something quick or taking Jambo out.

I read a dear friend’s blog post today about her experiences with her daughter, and I can’t help but recall the nights in my life that I cried out to God for a sweet child…he answered my pleas. This internal conflict of my own selfishness and being all-providing for Kate…the struggle to live in the fullness of my identity as not just mom, but wife and MARIS…all is not lost in this season of my life as I thank God for the sweet new life He has given me. We are taking it one day at a time.

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About marisd

I want to love well.

4 responses »

  1. Sarah says:

    Hi Maris,(So you remember, our husbands worked together at SMR one summer and we met once in Lawrence.)Just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest about your transition to motherhood. I’ve thought about how difficult it would be to loose independence after kids are born and sometimes been scared to have kids for that reason. I read this post and see your struggles but also feel you still always view your baby as a true blessing. I see the positive reality. It’s encouraging to me!Sarah Mellen

  2. Kristen Geri says:

    I enjoyed reading this post, Maris. Thanks for sharing your life so readily. Thanks also for telling me about the chicken & dumplings recipe. It looks good. Chad & I'll have to try it out soon!

  3. GSaritaC says:

    she’s beautiful Maris, and so are you! God knows what you have in your hands, literally. we all go thru those ‘what am i doing? yikes, what am i not doing? who am i?’ phases… somehow life happens (while we’re busy making plans). hope to see you soon, chica!!

  4. julie d says:

    maris dear,i really enjoyed this blog, especially the last paragraph. you have an amazing and beautiful strength in your heart. your little precious girl and your ever loving husband are so blessed to have you. it’s a continual circle of love and blessings. you’re amazing and i can’t wait to visit you soon!love,julie

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