It has been a little over a month since Kate was born and time blurs together still. She is so sweet with her little smiles and coos, she is feisty and demanding of my time and care, she is beautiful and angelic when she sleeps close to me, her little personality is coming out…I call her my little chili pepper among other sweet baby names…Mommy friends of mine say things will get better, and I believe them. I keep thinking, if I can just get through the first three months, things will get better. I have trouble taking care of myself in the midst of trying to take care of Kate, and I feel guilty about this. I want to be the best mother I can be to her, and I don’t want to take our time together for granted. I knew this transition into motherhood would be difficult, but I didn’t realize how much I would miss the freedom I had with my time prior to Kate being here. It is a good day when I can take a shower or clean something around the house. When Kate naps for a short spurt, I find myself running around the house thinking, “okay, what’s the most important thing I can do right now?” and usually it’s going to the bathroom, eating something quick or taking Jambo out.
I read a dear friend’s blog post today about her experiences with her daughter, and I can’t help but recall the nights in my life that I cried out to God for a sweet child…he answered my pleas. This internal conflict of my own selfishness and being all-providing for Kate…the struggle to live in the fullness of my identity as not just mom, but wife and MARIS…all is not lost in this season of my life as I thank God for the sweet new life He has given me. We are taking it one day at a time.